Oh boy... here we go AGAIN!!!
by The MUTT aka Ri
Summary: 5 years after the Ring's destruction, the Fellowship has to reunite. The Ring has been recreated. Not by Sauron, but by... R&R! I'm not a Mary-Sue and vow to never be one ever! This is new twist on life, humor, and serious screw ups.
1. This is the Beginning... the Beginning o...

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Oh boy… here we go AGAIN!!

By: Ri Iris Poencia(la)

Disclaimer: Ok peoples, I don't own LotR, characters in LotR, actors who portray the characters in LotR (though Elijah Wood, aka BLUE EYES! ::swoon:: is an exception, for Laura doesn't own him!!! But then I don't either, so… I just wish I did and/or I was friends with him! J ) any opinions expressed in LotR, or any stuff to do with LotR, cuz I'm not J.R.R.Tolikien (but we were both born on the same day, January 3rd) or one of his heirs. I DO own Ri Iris, this fic, my inside jokes with my Fellowship of friends, and some random debris & pillows. My friends own; Lindi (Molly/Samwise): Lea (Laura/Legolas): Boshi (Cassie/Gandalf): Reala (Becky/Boromir) : Tori (Kerry/Saruman) : and (so far) that's it. I'll ask the rest of them at school tomorrow and will (hopefully) update this tomorrow when I get done babysitting, or when the kids go to bed. I'm just going to try to be faithful to the book, write a stupidly humorous fic, and have an assload of fun while doing it. I swear that I am NOT a Mary-Sue. Wesss hatessss Mary-Sues… my precioussss… oh, yeah, by the way, I might not use all my friends equally cuz if I did, I'd have an epic in the making and would most likely I wouldn't finish the fic and would lose interest in it, so, amigas, chicas, don't get pissed at me cuz otherwise I'll prolly just get mad at you and omit you from the fic, or, I'd get so depressed/upset/angry/sad/stressed that I would snap and cry for a few weeks until I delete the fic to rid myself of the problem. Got it? Goooooooooood!!!!! ^.^ Thanky thanky! 3 Y'all and I will FINALLY get on with fic! Hurrah!   
  
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING SYMBOLS WILL BE USED TO EXPRESS CERTAIN THINGS IN THE FIC. IT IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO LOOK AT THEM SO YOU WON'T GET CONFUSED, BECAUSE I DO THAT TOO EASILY ON MY OWN. THANK YOU.

[ ] = My additional notes from the margin

{ } = The character is thinking

( ) = I needed to clarify or explain a word choice of a statement made

:: :: = Character action when in a dialouge format and not narrative selection

_ _ _ = Scene change

++ ++ = Scenery description at the beginning of a narrative or non-narrative scene change

" " = Dialouge. Character speaking.

' ' = Character mumbling or muttering

## ## = Important event!!!!! Possible foreshadowing!!!

&& && = Action scene description. (i.e. a descriptive battle)

^.^ ^^ ^.~ ^'^ ^_^ ^^' ~.~' ' . ^,^ ^#^ X.x O.o OO T.T = Emotions of author, character, or audience reaction in order as typed in are: (^.^ = happy), (^^ = happy or emabarrassed), (^.~ = winking. Also equivalent to "scandalous!!!"), (^'^ = smile forced), (^_^ = smiling), (^^' = embarrassed sweatdrop), (~.~' = equivalent to "annoyed, sighing and sweatdroping"), (' = aggravated annoyance), (. = aggravated/annoyed/frowning [also can be shown as: ]/internal conflict), (^,^ = laughing/being cute/happy laugh/joyous), (^#^ = blushing/ excited, permitting embarrassment), (X.x = disbelief or shock), (O.o = "oh dear… oh my… goodness…"), (OO = wide eyed), ( T.T = crying/sad)

!! !! = My author comments.

~*~*~* = End of my days writing and final comments made before calling it a night.

NOW THOSE ARE ALL THE SYMBOLS YOU WILL NEED. I ASSURE YOU THAT I'LL USE THEM ALL. YOU HAVE BEEN FORE-WARNED! NO FLAMING PLEASE. I LIVE IN A TROPICAL AREA, IT'S APRIL 17TH, IT'S OUR SUMMER, IT WAS 85 –ISH IN THE DAY TODAY, I DON'T NEED A FIRE TO ROAST IN. PLUS, ALL COMPLAINTS ARE FILED INTO THE COMPLAINT OFFICE, WHERE MY ASSISTANT ODOJAH, A MONKEY WITH EBOLA AND NO SELF-CONTROL, LUNGES FOR THE COMPLAINEE, GROOMS THEM, TAKES THEIR LUNCH MONEY, STUFFS BUGS INTO THEIR MOUTHS, CRAWLS ALL OVER THEM, SCRATCHES THEM, THAN LICKS AWAY THE BLOOD THINKING IT IS RED JELL-O (registered) BEFORE HE WILL LISTEN, IMPATIENTLY, TO WHATEVER THEY HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. AFTER THEY LEAVE, HE WRITES UP A PYSCOLOGICAL EVALUATION ON THEM, WRITES DOWN THE BASIC GIST OF THE COMPLAINT, AND THEN E-MAILS IT TO ME. OH, THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT IS IN KENYA, AND I CAN BE LOCATED IN EITHER FLORIDA, CALIFORNIA, WISCONSIN, COLORADO, KEY WEST, GEORGIA, TEXAS, NEW ZEALAND, JAPAN, HAWAII, OR CANADA, AT ONLY SPECIFIC TIMES OF THE YEAR AND ORGANIZED VACATIONS/ FAMILY SUPPORT MISSIONS. IF THE IDEA OF HAVING TO FACE ODOJAH INTIMIDATES YOU, COMPLAINTS MAY ALSO BE SENT TO LINDI'S KUNG-FU HAMPSTER, KILLER BISCUIT. BUT HE MAY BE PREOCCUPIED IF YOU DON'T SET UP AN APPOINTMENT WITH HIM A MONTH OR SO IN ADVANCE.

INPUT IS HONORED, APPRECIATED AND ENCOURAGED. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM IS VALED AND TAKEN IN, JUST NOT SCREAMING RANTS, OR FLAMES. I WOULD LIKE AS MUCH INPUT AS POSSIBLE TO BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT THE READERS WANT IN A FIC SO I CAN FUFILL THOSE SUGGESTIONS. THANK YOU, ENJOY, HERE'S THE FIC, BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY AND TRULY DONE RAMBLING ABOUT EBOLA MONKEY ASSISTANTS AND ACCEPTED MATERIAL. ADIOS, CRITICOS! HASTA LUEGO!

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++ It is five years after the fiasco with the quest to destroy the One Ring. Middle-earth is once more safe from the evil that had threatened it. The heroes have since parted ways and returned to their lives. Some became more honored and revered members of (their) society. Others were celebrated for a short time before life returned to how it was before. Yet some others, in light of all they had done and experienced, went off on another venture. But now, five years later, they are all once more in the predicament that bound them all together those five years ago… For the Ring has been forged again. But not by the hand of Sauron, but by a young human female… Can they succeed in the destruction of this dangerous power ring with the help from each other and the few new friends that they made over the five-year span? Or, will they be taken over and destroyed along with their friends, family and all that they hold dear to them? ++

{Where is he? He's always… wait… ::smile:: There's the wagon wheels creaking away… He's almost here! I have got to go down and meet up with him!} A young man was sitting on the stump of an old chopped down oak tree branch, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, feet dangling beneath him. He was staring contemplatively off into the sky, the small breeze twisting through his raven black hair. He suddenly propelled himself off the branch and through the air. When his feet landed firmly on solid ground, he sprung off, racing through the woods as fast as his oversized hairy, but useful, feet could carry him. He broke through the woods and came to a stop in a small cleared area that was bordering the Road. A horse drawn wagon pulled up and stopped right next to where he was standing. Smirking playfully, the young man folded his arms over his chest and began to speak.  
  
"You're late."

The driver, the only person in the wagon, replied in a grave voice, "A wizard is *never* late, ::looks up at the young man:: Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives ##precisely## when he is meant to."

The two stare at each other without saying a thing. Slowly, a laugh causes the wizard's eyes to twinkle and his lips purse in a suppressed smile. The young man also shows the beginnings of a laugh in the fact that his lips curve into a smile where a laugh is being forced down at the same time. The sight caused the wizard to let his chuckles escape, setting of the chain reaction of the young man's happy laughter.

"It's wonderful to see you Gandalf!" The young man said, jumping onto the cart/wagon and hugging the wizened wizard.

"It's wonderful to see you, also, Frodo." He said, hugging Frodo back.

The wizard, Gandalf, and the young hobbit, Frodo, settled into the cart seats and continued to drive into Hobbiton. They chatted and caught up with everything that had happened since their last adventure to destroy the Ring and then to go and sail across the Sea and back. !! I hope I'm not ruining the books/movies for anyone, because I would feel horrid !! The scenery that they passed was that of a rural village, small farming community, and old medieval rural England, only this is before Big Man (humans) record of time, so the landscape wasn't England. It was a place known as the Shire. And in the Shire, the town of Hobbiton could be found. In Hobbiton, a race of creatures called hobbits lived. They were scattered throughout the whole of the Shire, and some, but very few, could be found outside the Shire in Middle-earth. Hobbits are a very shy, peaceful, quiet, and non-adventurous, for the most part, type of folk, who liked a good chat, feed, drink, and smoke, who loved the earth and were very happy and content with eating a minimum of six meals a day, have a bit of a song and some ale with friends and they would be happy. They have large feet covered with curly hair and thick soles so that they can move quickly, quietly, and keep their feet warm without the need of boots. They are generally short in stature, shorter than dwarves, and normally stop growing at anywhere from 3' to 4' – 4' 6". They smoke a type of pipe weed called, "pipeweed". Most all hobbits are afraid of water, such as can be found in lakes, rivers, and large bodies of water, for hobbits can not swim at all or swim very poorly. This is almost everything that you will need to know about hobbits.

~*~*~* 

Ok all, this is as far as I'll get tonight. For those who've seen the movie, did my opening sound familiar? Sorry for that but I'm trying to instigate a feeling of Déjà vu. But if any of my friends are reading this, you all will know of a different reason that I put this in for. ^^ ^.~ ^#^ ^.^ LOL! But, I'm getting to Hobbiton and we get to meet our first newbie! Who is this newfound friend that Frodo made? Who is this weird… freak of nature, to put it simply, and why is this other person (another newfound friend!) with her? Hmmm… interesting… Please, R&R! I'll love you forever! 3 Ri  


"Do you have a dorsal fin?!?!?!" ~ Jim Carey, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective


	2. Discuss My Problems to Make it Your Own

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Oh boy, here we go AGAIN! : Part TWO

By: Ri Iris

Now that you know everything you need to know about hobbits, the following tale will make more sense. And you can watch them (the hobbits) as they embark upon the next epic story, which was lost in time as the Dark Ages, later in history, came and most all, great true tales of heroism were lost from the written and spoken word. 

The youthful hobbit and wondrous wizard were heading in the direction of a house built into the side of a hill. A lovely garden and wooden fence encircling the yard were rustic additions to the hillside. Gandalf pulled up on the reins and stopped the wagon. Both he and the hobbit Frodo got out of the cart and went inside the hill house.

On the inside, the halls were rounded, supported by wooden beams and had to be about 4-5 feet tall. Frodo took the wizard's hat, staff and traveling cloak, and hung them on rungs behind the round front door. He then proceeded to offer the wizard drinks, tea, food, and a chair to take a seat. Gandalf graciously accepted and followed Frodo into the kitchen. The wizard had to be sure that he didn't hit his head on any of the low beams, ceilings or chandeliers. He just wasn't built for hobbit holes.

The two sat at a small kitchen table, Frodo poured tea and Gandalf asked him a few questions about how his life had been over the sea. Frodo would answer, ask for information from the rest of Middle-earth. They two continued to chat and drink, with the occasional pipeweed, until the subject of Frodo's life upon returning home from over the Sea.

"Well, Gandalf, I haven't been on any quests or adventures. I've just been keeping up with the local going ons, reading Bilbo's old book, befriending some locals. That's all."

"Oh. No young hobbit girl caught your eye yet? Such a charming and well known, well to do hobbit such as yourself."

"Gandalf… Please. If a hobbit girl did attract my attention, she would be attracting me as a friend, all right? Now don't go around trying to make one like me."

"Who? Me? Never, Frodo, never…"

"Sure Gandalf… sure. But even if you don't, you'll never shed the label of 'Disturber of the Peace'. You hear me, Gandalf? Never."

"Hm. What's so bad about that, my dear Frodo?"

"Plenty Gandalf… plenty. Here, come along with me into town and I'll introduce you to my new found friends."

"New friends? Hmmmmmmmmm…"

"Don't you dare. Yes she is a female hobbit, and, don't you dare."

"Spoil my fun, Frodo. Spoil it all…" 


End file.
